Know Your US Senators, part 5 of 10: Feinstein through Inouye
Dianne Feinstein
Senior Senator from California
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1992
Age: 74
Pros: Maiden name — Goldman. Husbands (current, deceased) — Blum, Feinstein. High School Attended — Convent of the Sacred Heart. Wait, what?
Cons: Sizable conflict of interest scandal involving investment banker hubby Richard Blum and billion dollar appropriations made to his firms; but hey, that’s the Senate for you.
Lindsey Graham
Senior Senator from South Carolina
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 52
Pros: Was actually less than half the age (!) of his predecessor, Strom Thurmond, when he took his Senate seat; benefits of this include Graham’s not having to be medically revived and carefully removed from his preservation chamber to be wheeled out for floor votes.
Cons: Asked Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, “Are you really a closet bigot?” during confirmation hearings; Alito’s wife left crying; seemingly staged moment helped win sympathy for government-developed Antonin Scalia clone.
Chuck Grassley
Senior Senator from Iowa
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1981
Age: 73
Pros: Pleasantly adverb-like name; noted advocate for whistleblowers.
Cons: He’s certainly an intelligent and solid conservative politician, but he’s also a member of a Christian group called “The Family,” and I find that oddly unsettling.
Judd Gregg
Senior Senator from New Hampshire
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 60
Pros: Won $850,000 by getting five of six numbers on a Powerball ticket in 2005, which is great because the guy was probably really scraping to get by before that.
Cons: Defeated a 94-year-old female Democratic candidate in 2004; obviously, the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to let her win.
Chuck Hagel
Senior Senator from Nebraska
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 60
Pros: Vietnam War hero, which means he can never be president; independent-thinking, maverick Republican who probably has a recording contract with Maverick Records and uses Maverik lacrosse equipment and co-starred in the 1994 film Maverick with Mel Gibson.
Cons: Could be preparing for a 2008 presidential run on an independent ticket with Michael Bloomberg, which presumably would be just as much of a disaster as it looks like on paper.
Tom Harkin
Junior Senator from Iowa
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1985
Age: 67
Pros: Long-serving liberal leader in the Senate, with a distinguished military background…
Cons: …BUT HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO HOWARD DEAN WHEN HE SCREAMED UH OH LOL
Orrin Hatch
Senior Senator from Utah
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 64
Pros: There are some pretty great names in the Senate, but “Orrin Hatch” has to be my favorite — it’s downright Dickensian.
Cons: Declared that copyright holders should be legally allowed to destroy suspected infringers’ (i.e. file-sharers’) computer equipment, thus causing the growing epidemic of RIAA representatives traveling from house to house with government-licensed sledgehammers.
Kay Bailey Hutchison
Senior Senator from Texas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 64
Pros: In 2000 she defeated a Democrat named Gene Kelly. Send me your political “Singin’ in the Rain” puns and you might get a shout-out on this blog! 
Cons: Was a cheerleader at the University of Texas, and I can kind of see where she might have been a pretty attractive one at that time, and that really frightens me to think about and I hate myself now.
Jim Inhofe
Senior Senator from Oklahoma
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1994
Age: 72
Pros: Fortunately, most of us have learned to ignore people from Oklahoma.
Cons: “…As you see here, and I think this is maybe the most important prop we’ll have during the entire debate, my wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I’m really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we’ve never had a divorce or any kind of homosexual relationship.”
Daniel Inouye
Senior Senator from Hawaii
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1963
Age: 82
Pros: Distinguished WWII veteran, providing medical assistance at the bombing of Pearl Harbor and remaining in the military despite having lost his right arm in battle.
Cons: So badass that now you legally must be named Daniel in order to serve as a Senator from Hawaii.
Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 6 (halfway there!): Isakson through Leahy