Know Your US Senators, part 2 of 10: Boxer through Casey
Barbara Boxer
Junior Senator from California
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 66
Pros: Strong, liberal female voice in the Senate; Chief Deputy Whip for Democratic majority.
Cons: Is only 4′11″; has to constantly evade Ted Kennedy’s attempts to catch and eat her.
Sherrod Brown
Junior Senator from Ohio
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 54
Pros: Defeated a two-term Republican incumbent in 2006 to help secure the Senate’s new Democratic majority; once defeated evil Keebler elf Dennis Kucinich in a Congressional primary.
Cons: Whitest man alive named Sherrod (see also: Lamar Alexander).
Sam Brownback
Senior Senator from Kansas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1996
Age: 50
Pros: Actually thinks he can win the Republican presidential nomination, which is kind of cute.
Cons: Supports teaching intelligent design; opposes same-sex marriage; wants a flat tax; is batshit insane.
Jim Bunning
Junior Senator from Kentucky
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1999
Age: 75
Pros: Pitched a perfect game for the Phillies in 1964; is in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Cons: Behaved bizarrely during his 2004 reelection campaign, describing his opponent Daniel Mongiardo as resembling “one of Saddam Hussein’s sons,” claiming his wife was physically assulted by Mongiardo, and relying entirely on a teleprompter during a debate; therefore, he seems to represent Kentucky pretty accurately.
Richard Burr
Junior Senator from North Carolina
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 51
Pros: Distant cousin of Aaron Burr, you know, from that Got Milk ad.
Cons: Defeated Erskine Boyce Bowles in 2004, and I’d much rather be writing about a guy named Erskine Boyce Bowles.
Robert Byrd
Senior Senator from West Virginia
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1959
Age: 89
Pros: Longest serving Senator in American history — 1959, for fuck’s sake!
Cons: Well there is that whole “was the leader of his local Klan chapter in 1942” thing.
Maria Cantwell
Junior Senator from Washington
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 48
Pros: Top environmental champion of the Senate; second-least ugly sitting Senator.
Cons: Voted for CAFTA and Patriot Act, against Kerry-Feingold amendment for Iraq withdrawal; honestly though, still one of the better Senators we’ve got.
Ben Cardin
Junior Senator from Maryland
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 63
Pros: Perhaps the least-heralded part of the Democratic takeover in 2006, Cardin fought off a tough challenge by Michael Steele to fill the seat vacated by Dem Paul Sarbanes.
Cons: Opposes my personal pet issue, net neutrality; this makes him a corporate stooge.
Tom Carper
Junior Senator from Delaware
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 60
Pros: Not Joe Biden.
Cons: Still from Delaware.
Bob Casey, Jr.
Junior Senator from Pennsylvania
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 47
Pros: Defeated loony Rick Santorum, the Senate’s creepiest and worst member.
Cons: Strongly anti-abortion; not adequately confronting his unibrow problem.
Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 3: Chambliss through Craig