Rich Bradley: The Blog

Lisa Murkowski
Junior Senator from Alaska
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2002
Age: 50
Pros: Frank Murkowski, US Senator from Alaska, vacates his seat upon being elected Governor of Alaska; he is now in the unique position of having to appoint his successor; and when this happens in Alaska, that means your daughter gets a new job! And then gets reelected to her own full term! Alaska: Where the nepotism is.
Cons: How is it even possible to have a 50% rating from the National Right to Life Committee? “Yeah, I’m kind of against abortion sometimes…I dunno…can you like just abort the legs?”

Patty Murray
Senior Senator from Washington
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 57
Pros: Strom Thurmond felt her up in an elevator. What an honor!
Cons: Until right now I honestly had no idea we had a Senator named Patty Murray.

Ben Nelson
Junior Senator from Nebraska
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 66
Pros: It’s not easy being a Democrat in Nebraska; that’s why he usually just votes Republican.
Cons: Dubbed “the Benator” by George W. Bush, but his first name is actually Earl; nickname therefore should, in fact, be “the Senatearl.”

Bill Nelson
Senior Senator from Florida
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 65
Pros: Dude went into fucking space!
Cons: There really should be a one-conservative-Democrat-named-Nelson-in-the-US-Senate-at-one-time limit.

Barry Obama

Mark Pryor
Junior Senator from Arkansas
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 45
Pros: Highly touted USC pitcher, 2nd pick overall in the 2001 MLB draft.
Cons: Only managed 42 wins over five seasons with the Cubs due to an ongoing series of injuries, signed to a limited contract by the San Diego Padres this year and placed on the 60-day disabled list for — wait, Pryor? With a “y”? Who the fuck is Mark Pryor?

Jack Reed
Senior Senator from Rhode Island
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 58
Pros: One of the most liberal votes in the Senate; former Army Ranger and paratrooper.
Cons: Roundness of head well beyond ridiculous, into “definitely Photoshopped” territory.

Harry Reid
Senior Senator from Nevada
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1987
Age: 68
Pros: Senate Majority Leader; knows the ins and outs of the Senate rules better than just about anybody.
Cons: Maybe only marginally more effective than Tom Daschle was during his tenure; Mormon and pro-life, not exactly the best representative of Democratic ideals.

Pat Roberts
Junior Senator from Kansas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 71
Pros: Chairman of US Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, which means you could fully count on him to produce a complete and honest report on the intelligence failures leading up to the Iraq War, right?
Cons: Seriously though, this guy sucks. But hey, that’s Kansas, you know?

Jay Rockefeller
Junior Senator from West Virginia
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1985
Age: 70
Pros: What’s that? You’re surprised there’s still a Rockefeller kicking around in the Senate? So is everyone else! But he’s good-natured about it. He always goes around talking in a loud, over-the-top 19th century oil tycoon kind of voice, has a money pit that he takes swims in, y’know, he’s mostly just there for show. Like Ted Kennedy.
Cons: Strongly supported going to war in Iraq back in 2002-3; did an about-face on the telco immunity thing; wants the FCC to be able to regulate broadcast AND cable AND satellite TV.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 9: Salazar through Stevens. So close!

Matt Taibbi has an excellent article in Rolling Stone discussing why a McCain presidency is such a frightening prospect. Please read.

It looks like nothing short of death is going to prevent John McCain from becoming the GOP presidential candidate in 2008. McCain is going to be a lot more popular among independents and some Democrats than George W. Bush ever was, but there are still some questions that make his inauguration less than a sure thing: his apparent inability to win the trust of his party’s conservative base, his advanced age, his lack of support in the Bible Belt. Not to mention the fact that he may well be running against a strong, respected, young African-American candidate with a proven record of rallying support well beyond his own party faithful, in what’s considered to be a tough year for Republicans anyway. So how does John McCain most strategically select a running mate? I’ve listed what I wager to be his top 5 choices below, along with the key pros and cons of each.

1. Mike Huckabee (former Governor of Arkansas)
Pros:  Obviously hugely popular among the key Evangelical Southern conservative demographic, a group that hasn’t exactly been gung-ho on John McCain so far
Cons:  Currently really pissing off a lot of the Republican establishment by staying in the race for the presidential nomination; doesn’t help McCain win over economic conservatives, has been derided by Limbaugh’s crowd for being too liberal

2. Charlie Crist (Governor of Florida)
Pros:  Guarantees a McCain win in the essential state of Florida (which, to be fair, neither Clinton or Obama will ever have a chance of winning anyway); counters many of McCain’s perceived shortcomings with his stance on guns and immigration
Cons:  Perhaps not quite socially conservative enough to win over some of the Bible Belters who are against a McCain presidency; is sometimes blamed for refusing to intervene in the Schiavo right-to-die case as Florida’s Attorney General (though frankly this will be considered a pro among a majority of the country’s non-Evangelical voting population)

3. Mark Sanford (Governor of South Carolina)
Pros:  At 47, young enough to counter the potential Obama v. McCain age debate; experienced Southern governor with strong economic libertarian views that should solidify McCain’s support among independents
Cons:  Could be viewed as a little too Ron Paul-ish by some; may not help McCain win Evangelical support

4. Tim Pawlenty (Governor of Minnesota)
Pros:  Like Sanford, has the benefit of relative youth (he’s also 47); successfully balanced state budget without raising taxes, meaning he wins all Romney’s supporters easily; recently has been pushing a strong immigration reform policy, undoubtedly to try and get a spot on this ticket
Cons:  Little geographical benefit to McCain as Dems would still be very favored to win Minnesota in November; tax policies have been blamed in part for the Minneapolis bridge collapse; some controversies surrounding appointments to head state departments

5. Bobby Jindal (Governor of Louisiana)
Pros:  Very young (36) and extremely charismatic; Rhodes scholar; not a white guy, thereby adding minority cred to a ticket likely to face Obama; adored by the Republican base, and called “the next Ronald Reagan” by Limbaugh
Cons:  Huge lack of experience question, as he was only sworn in as Governor this year; Republicans may want to save this guy for 2012 or 2016

God damn it, I finish what I start.

Carl Levin
Senior Senator from Michigan
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1979
Age: 73
Pros: Respected Chairman of the Armed Services Committee; voted against sending troops into Iraq, and has consistently supported legislation to bring an end to the war; opposes New Hampshire’s claim on having the first presidential primary in the US, and I’m betting we’re more or less all in agreement on that one right now.
Cons: Keeps moving his glasses further and further down his face, presumably as a metaphor for the effects of climate change on the polar ice caps; while a deeply moving and thought-provoking image, it is now very unlikely that Levin can actually see.

Joe Lieberman
Junior Senator from Connecticut
Party: Independent (Connecticut for Lieberman)
Assumed Office: 1989
Age: 65
Pros: Well, I mean, he’s not president or vice president. That’s something, right? Right?
Cons: Warmongering, self-righteous traitor to his party and his constituents; member of Connecticut for Lieberman political party, which very sadly has a 100% success rate so far in getting its candidates elected.

Blanche Lincoln
Senior Senator from Arkansas
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1999
Age: 47
Pros: Youngest woman ever elected to the Senate (age 38); youngest current Senior Senator; excellent name for a politician.
Cons: Mighty conservative in some key respects, being from Arkansas and all; basically useless to the party on Iraq; the name “Blanche” literally means “white,” so her name as a descriptor is basically saying, “Look! There are still some white people named Lincoln in this country!” …and now that’s just racist, isn’t it?

(In this spot, but a month ago, I’d have been able to do a writeup on everyone’s favorite racial punchline senator Trent Lott. Due to his abrupt resignation, however, we must find a way to carry on without him. His replacement, Roger Wicker, will be evaluated at his appropriate alphabetical position.)

Richard G. Lugar
Senior Senator from Indiana
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1977
Age: 75
Pros: Finally started coming around last year about Iraq, bluntly stating that the US military’s role should be diminished.
Cons: I think he and Angelina Jolie like each other. Ewwww.

Mel Martinez
Junior Senator from Florida
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 61
Pros: Born in Sagua La Grande, Cuba; came to the US during a ’60s humanitarian effort called Operation Peter Pan, which probably had something to with Castro’s tactical use of flying children during the Bay of Pigs invasion.
Cons: Partly responsible for the infamous Schiavo memo; constantly being investigated for campaign donation and reporting violations since his election in 2004.

John McCain
Senior Senator from Arizona
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1987
Age: 71
Pros: As of last night, widely considered to be the GOP frontrunner in the 2008 presidential election; seems to have overcome Mitt Romney’s sharply executed “Who Let The Dogs Out?” political move, which you’d think would have brought in minority voters by the truckload.
Cons: Is it too early to start worrying about this and this?

Claire McCaskill
Junior Senator from Missouri
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 54
Pros: Defeated a sitting Republican senator, Jim Talent, in the 2006 Democratic sweep; more like Jim Talentless, I’d say! Talent in winning elections that is! Because he didn’t win! jhgljhlkjh
Cons: Looks like she’s angling to be Obama’s running mate; but no one wants a squishy-faced Vice President (we all remember how the last one ended up, don’t we).

Mitch McConnell
Senior Senator from Kentucky
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1985
Age: 65
Pros: Great superhero alterego name; that’s about it.
Cons: Blazingly inept Senate Minority Leader; full-fledged Bush apologist and abettor; not actually a superhero, not even Green Arrow or something lame like that.

Bob Menendez
Junior Senator from New Jersey
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2006
Age: 54
Pros: Second Cuban senator in today’s list, oddly enough; adorably football-shaped head.
Cons: Accused of ethics violations in 2006, but then again by New Jersey Democrat standards the guy’s probably a saint.

Barbara Milkulski
Senior Senator from Maryland
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1987
Age: 71
Pros: Most senior female Senator; more significantly, though not “out” as such, our only lesbian Senator as well.
Cons: Has endorsed Hillary Clinton for President, talking about the whole woman glass ceiling feminist whatnot deal; minor quibble though, Mikulski’s one of the good guys…er, ladies. Not insinuating anything.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 8: Murkowski through Rockefeller. And maybe less than four months from now this time!

I’m going to look like some kind of political genius if Mike Huckabee turns things around and wins the Republican presidential nomination in 2008. And he very well might.

But who is Mike Huckabee? Rolling Stone has a good article on this insurgent populist, and why he could mean trouble for sane people everywhere.

Johnny Isakson
Junior Senator from Georgia
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 62
Pros: Has assumed congressional seats previously held by Newt Gingrich and Zell Miller, thus continuing the great Georgian tradition of reactionary buffoonery.
Cons: Much of his enormous personal wealth can be traced to shares in Urban Outfitters and Starbucks. I guess this makes him the latte-drinking hipster’s Georgia Republican?

Tim Johnson
Senior Senator from South Dakota
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 60
Pros: Currently making an improbable comeback in the Senate after suffering bleeding in his brain caused by cerebral arteriovenous malformation.
Cons: Up for reelection next year; a good chance for Republicans to kick a Democratic Senator in a red state while he’s still seen as weak.

Ted Kennedy
Senior Senator from Massachusetts
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1962
Age: 75
Pros: Without Ted, the closest thing we’d have to a Kennedy in the Senate is John Kerry, and none of us really want that.
Cons: Killed some lady.

John Kerry
Junior Senator from Massachusetts
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1985
Age: 63
Pros: Legitimate war hero, but more heroic was what he did when he came back home.
Cons: We probably should have known he was a terrible choice to be the ’04 Dem nominee — even Dennis Kucinich could have at least won freaking Iowa.

Amy Klobuchar
Junior Senator from Minnesota
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 47
Pros: Part of the 2006 Dem wave, though technically all she did was keep a blue seat blue; Minnesota’s first elected female Senator; so far, proving to be a dedicated and intelligent liberal voice.
Cons: Every time a news anchor has to read her last name, you can hear the panic in his voice.

Herb Kohl
Senior Senator from Wisconsin
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1989
Age: 72
Pros: The last of the four big K-named Dem Senators, or as I call them, The KKKK; that doesn’t look as good written out as it did in my head.
Cons: Yes, Kohl as in Kohl’s — every time you shop at Kohl’s, you’re buying something directly from this little old Jewish Senator from Wisconsin (I hear he actually makes everything himself).

Jon Kyl
Junior Senator from Arizona
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1995
Age: 65
Pros: Beats out Kit Bond and Jim Webb for shortest name in the United States Senate, as long as you don’t count his middle name, Llewellyn (indeed, here is that rarest of Senators whose full name is actually 2.5 times longer with his middle name included than it is without).
Cons: Head of Republican policy committee; very good at getting very scary neoconservative shit done.

Mary Landrieu
Senior Senator from Louisiana
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 51
Pros: Has proven herself an electable Democrat in the same state that once allowed David Duke to become a Congressman.
Cons: Unlikely to win reelection in 2008, as the voters of New Orleans who comprised the difference in her favor the last couple times aren’t really around so much these days.

Frank Lautenberg
Senior Senator from New Jersey
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 83
Pros: Actually served in the Senate from 1982 through 2000 before retiring, but quickly regretted leaving and ran again in 2002; says he won’t make the same mistake again, so here’s to reelecting the 83-year-old Lautenberg to another six year term in ’08!
Cons: Proposed a bill this year entitled “The Denying Firearms and Explosives to Dangerous Terrorists Act of 2007.” I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to be doing that already, Frank, but it’s a nice thought anyway!

Patrick Leahy
Senior Senator from Vermont
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1975
Age: 67
Pros: First Democrat elected to Congress from Vermont since prior to the Civil War; today, there are no Republicans in Congress from Vermont; ahead of his time, this one.
Cons: Voiced a character in an episode of Batman: The Animated Series; wait, that’s not a con, that’s fucking amazing!

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 7: Levin through Menendez

Last month, I dubbed Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) “some sort of evil mountain king.” In light of recent events, let me update that comment: Sen. Craig is an evil mountain king who likes to solicit sex in airport men’s rooms.

Or does he just have “a wide stance when going to the bathroom?” That does sound plausible.

I’ll get back to my “Know Your US Senators” project very soon, I promise. And in the event that Larry is forced into an early retirement, you can count on me to give you the full scoop on his replacement.

Dianne Feinstein
Senior Senator from California
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1992
Age: 74
Pros: Maiden name — Goldman. Husbands (current, deceased) — Blum, Feinstein. High School Attended — Convent of the Sacred Heart. Wait, what?
Cons: Sizable conflict of interest scandal involving investment banker hubby Richard Blum and billion dollar appropriations made to his firms; but hey, that’s the Senate for you.

Lindsey Graham
Senior Senator from South Carolina
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 52
Pros: Was actually less than half the age (!) of his predecessor, Strom Thurmond, when he took his Senate seat; benefits of this include Graham’s not having to be medically revived and carefully removed from his preservation chamber to be wheeled out for floor votes.
Cons: Asked Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, “Are you really a closet bigot?” during confirmation hearings; Alito’s wife left crying; seemingly staged moment helped win sympathy for government-developed Antonin Scalia clone.

Chuck Grassley
Senior Senator from Iowa
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1981
Age: 73
Pros: Pleasantly adverb-like name; noted advocate for whistleblowers.
Cons: He’s certainly an intelligent and solid conservative politician, but he’s also a member of a Christian group called “The Family,” and I find that oddly unsettling.

Judd Gregg
Senior Senator from New Hampshire
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 60
Pros: Won $850,000 by getting five of six numbers on a Powerball ticket in 2005, which is great because the guy was probably really scraping to get by before that.
Cons: Defeated a 94-year-old female Democratic candidate in 2004; obviously, the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to let her win.

Chuck Hagel
Senior Senator from Nebraska
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 60
Pros: Vietnam War hero, which means he can never be president; independent-thinking, maverick Republican who probably has a recording contract with Maverick Records and uses Maverik lacrosse equipment and co-starred in the 1994 film Maverick with Mel Gibson.
Cons: Could be preparing for a 2008 presidential run on an independent ticket with Michael Bloomberg, which presumably would be just as much of a disaster as it looks like on paper.

Tom Harkin
Junior Senator from Iowa
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1985
Age: 67
Pros: Long-serving liberal leader in the Senate, with a distinguished military background…
Cons: …BUT HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO HOWARD DEAN WHEN HE SCREAMED UH OH LOL

Orrin Hatch
Senior Senator from Utah
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 64
Pros: There are some pretty great names in the Senate, but “Orrin Hatch” has to be my favorite — it’s downright Dickensian.
Cons: Declared that copyright holders should be legally allowed to destroy suspected infringers’ (i.e. file-sharers’) computer equipment, thus causing the growing epidemic of RIAA representatives traveling from house to house with government-licensed sledgehammers.

Kay Bailey Hutchison
Senior Senator from Texas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 64
Pros: In 2000 she defeated a Democrat named Gene Kelly. Send me your political “Singin’ in the Rain” puns and you might get a shout-out on this blog!
Cons: Was a cheerleader at the University of Texas, and I can kind of see where she might have been a pretty attractive one at that time, and that really frightens me to think about and I hate myself now.

Jim Inhofe
Senior Senator from Oklahoma
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1994
Age: 72
Pros: Fortunately, most of us have learned to ignore people from Oklahoma.
Cons: “…As you see here, and I think this is maybe the most important prop we’ll have during the entire debate, my wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I’m really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we’ve never had a divorce or any kind of homosexual relationship.”

Daniel Inouye
Senior Senator from Hawaii
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1963
Age: 82
Pros: Distinguished WWII veteran, providing medical assistance at the bombing of Pearl Harbor and remaining in the military despite having lost his right arm in battle.
Cons: So badass that now you legally must be named Daniel in order to serve as a Senator from Hawaii.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 6 (halfway there!): Isakson through Leahy

Mike Crapo
Junior Senator from Idaho
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1999
Age: 56
Pros: Reelected in 2004 with a ridiculous 99% of the vote; has had a long and, to date, successful battle with prostate cancer.
Cons: Surname accurately describes his Senate voting record.

Jim DeMint
Junior Senator from South Carolina
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 55
Pros: Voted to eliminate Federal income tax and replace with a 23% national sales tax (note: only a pro if you’re really fucking rich).
Cons: Stated during Senate campaign that gay people and unwed mothers shouldn’t be allowed to teach in public schools; he then won the South Carolina vote by 9+ percentage points. Remind me again why we wouldn’t let them secede?

Chris Dodd
Senior Senator from Connecticut
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1981
Age: 63
Pros: Dated Bianca Jagger and Carrie Fisher; engaged in “donut fight” with Harold Ford, Sr. at a Dunkin’ Donuts in 1978; owner of The Dodd Pod.
Cons: Current presidential polls give him “no measurable support” in Iowa; quickly overtaking Dennis Kucinich as this year’s “punchline candidate.”

Elizabeth Dole
Senior Senator from North Carolina
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 70
Pros: First female Secretary of Transportation; worked with MADD to get strict anti-drunk driving legislation passed.
Cons: The victim of Bob Dole’s Viagra spokesmanship.

Pete Domenici
Senior Senator from New Mexico
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1973
Age: 75
Pros: Full name is Pietro Vichi Domenici. Go on, say it out loud.
Cons: Apparently the #1 least environment-friendly Senator, which, looking at some of these other Republicans, is quite an accomplishment.

Byron Dorgan
Junior Senator from North Dakota
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1992
Age: 65
Pros: I can’t find anything interesting about Byron Dorgan except for this picture of him with a cowboy wearing an “Encore” shirt.
Cons: And here’s a badly Photoshopped picture of Dorgan as a ballerina. Thanks, Google Image Search!

Dick Durbin
Senior Senator from Illinois
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 62
Pros: He’s been a pretty effective Majority Whip; also ranks as the most liberal Senator, according to the National Journal.
Cons: Did a “reverse Mitt Romney” on abortion, once supporting a Constitutional amendment that would have nullified Roe v. Wade; now votes pro-choice, and attributes this switch to “personal reflection.” Uh-huh.

John Ensign
Junior Senator from Nevada
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 49
Pros: Lead sponsor of the Animal Fighting Prohibition Enforcement Act, also called the “Why Michael Vick is Royally Fucked” Law.
Cons: Big Iraq war supprter; he’s that “Nancy Pelosi and Ted Kennedy are emboldening the enemy” douchebag.

Mike Enzi
Senior Senator from Wyoming
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 63
Pros: Voted against the Iraq Funding bill in May, if for the wrong reasons.
Cons: Pushed bill in 2006 to eliminate state-mandated health care benefit protection minimums, basically attempting to let health insurance companies not cover whatever they don’t feel like covering. Because clearly, our nation’s health care problems are due to the states actually forcing insurers to pay for things.

Russ Feingold
Junior Senator from Wisconsin
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 54
Pros: Only Senator to vote against Patriot Act in 2001; voted against authorizing the Iraq War in 2002; called for withdrawal in 2005, before any other Senator; introduced legislation to censure Bush over illegal wiretapping; Russ Feingold is the man.
Cons: Only Democrat to vote against Clinton impeachment dismissal; voted to confirm Attorney General Ashcroft; nobody’s perfect.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 5: Feinstein through Inouye

Saxby Chambliss
Senior Senator from Georgia
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 63
Pros: Not many, but his name is fun to say.
Cons: Defeated Vietnam vet and triple amputee Senator Max Cleland with the aid of campaign ads comparing Cleland to Osama bin Laden; got deferment during Vietnam for “bad knee”; loathsome, hypocritical, pompous, corrupt twat; vote for Dale, Georgia!

Hillary Clinton
Junior Senator from New York
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 59
Pros: It looks like she can probably beat any of the top tier Republican presidential candidates in 2008.
Cons: That would make her president in 2009.

Tom Coburn
Junior Senator from Oklahoma
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 59
Pros: Great at crossword puzzles.
Cons: The craziest douchebag in the Senate, now that Santorum is gone; can’t possibly go point by point through every instance of crazy douchebaggery to date, but read this and this and you’ll maybe get the idea (yes, when I think of Schindler’s List the thing that really stands out to me is all the irresponsible sexual activity).

Thad Cochran
Senior Senator from Mississippi
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1978
Age: 69
Pros: Generally considered a moderate, under-the-radar type Senator who doesn’t attract a lot of press but gets things done and represents his state well, unlike another Mississippi Senator whose name I won’t mention but it rhymes with Schment Blott.
Cons: What the fuck is with these Senators who go by their odd middle names? Thad? Lamar? Saxby???

Norm Coleman
Senior Senator from Minnesota
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 57
Pros: Managed to beat a dead guy (the much-missed Paul Wellstone) to win his Senate seat, which at least puts him a step ahead of John Ashcroft (actually, Coleman technically defeated Walter Mondale — but then, who hasn’t).
Cons: Ended up taking the seat from temporary, Jesse Ventura-appointed Senator Dean Barkley, who is to date the only federal politician to serve while representing the Independence Party of Minnesota — vote MNIP! No, don’t really.

Susan Collins
Junior Senator from Maine
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 54
Pros: Proof that what they call “Republicans” up in Maine are generally referred to in other parts of the country as “Democrats.”
Cons: Won’t you or Olympia Snowe just switch fucking parties already so we can safely give Lieberman the boot?

Kent Conrad
Senior Senator from North Dakota
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1992
Age: 59
Pros: Highest home state approval rating of any sitting Senator; name kind of sounds like a 1950s pulp mag detective (which may contribute to said approval rating).
Cons: I don’t trust those beady eyes.

Bob Corker
Junior Senator from Tennessee
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 54
Pros: The only thing even close to a success story for Republicans in the 2006 midterms was Corker defeating DLC hack Harold Ford, Jr. by a hair, keeping retiring Majority Leader Bill Frist’s seat in the red zone.
Cons: Lives in a mansion built by Coca Cola heirs; might, just might, be 100% owned by big business.

John Cornyn
Junior Senator from Texas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2002
Age: 55
Pros: Not on the Supreme Court, where he could be doing much more damage to the country (but don’t worry, there’s still time).
Cons: “It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right [...] Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife.”

Larry Craig
Senior Senator from Idaho
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1991
Age: 61
Pros: Well on his way to becoming Idaho’s longest serving US Congressman, at which point he will finally oust that bastard William Edgar Borah!
Cons: Judging by his Senate home page, Craig appears to be some sort of evil mountain king.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 4: Crapo (heh) through Feingold