As with all US Senators, LeMieux has his own subdomain on senate.gov. It is now the top result in Google for such terms as “George LeMieux” and “Senator LeMieux.”

Here, on October 27, is a snapshot of that Google result:

The site is ranking, the content is in place. But how many of LeMieux’s constituents have been confused and perhaps turned away entirely simply because the Google snippet says he represents Louisiana? (And if they then decided to get in touch with their other Senator instead, that would be Bill Nelson — a Democrat.)

Always, always, always remember your meta description tags, kids. Otherwise you could find yourselves getting screwed by somebody just because they figure your last name sounds cajun.

(…and yes, the “Email Senator Martinez” link is problematic, too. More defensible, as LeMieux did replace him not that long ago, but it still never should have been found on lemieux.senate.gov in the first place.)

Obama wins: HI, WA, OR, CA, NV, CO, NM, MN, IA, WI, IL, MI, VA, DC, MD, DE, PA, NJ, NY, CT, RI, MA, VT, NH, ME
McCain wins: AK, ID, UT, AZ, MT, WY, ND, SD, NE, KS, OK, TX, MO, AR, LA, IN, OH, KY, WV, TN, MS, AL, GA, FL, SC, NC

That’s an electoral win for Obama of 291-247. Maybe not the blowout a lot of lefties are hoping for, but a plenty reasonable margin of victory.

In the Senate, Dems will make gains but won’t achieve their magical 60 votes. The end result I expect will be 57-43, with pickups in AK, CO, NH, NM, OR, and VA. Al Franken, Jim Martin and Kay Hagan will have made a race out of it, but they probably won’t topple their incumbent opponents.

In the House… I have no idea, but I’ll say the Democrats go up to an even 250 over the Republicans’ 185. Also, Shays beats Himes.

Who else wants to place their bets?

Jon Tester
Junior Senator from Montana
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 52
Pros: Alongside popular Democratic Governor Brian Schweitzer, Tester proves that the masses of charismatic wide-faced Montana farmers are startin’ to go blue. Yee-haw!
Cons: Lost three fingers in a meat grinder accident. EEEWWWWWWW GROSS LOL

John Thune
Junior Senator from South Dakota
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 47
Pros: Defeated Senate Dem leader Tom Daschle in the massacre of 2004; this turned out to be a plus because we got rid of whiny puss Daschle and started winning elections again.
Cons: Now Daschle is a key figure in the Obama campaign (horrifying); far as Thune goes, he’s considered a hardcore conservative up-and-comer who might have filled the Sarah Palin slot on McCain’s ticket if he had ovaries.

David Vitter
Junior Senator from Louisiana
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 47
Pros: Sure, he hit her, but reconsider: Vitter’s no quitter! (…by which I mean at the same time he was calling on Clinton to resign he was off banging hookers, and hey, look who’s still a Senator today).
Cons: According to the almighty Wikipedia — “In 2000, his wife, Wendy Vitter, commenting on the same scandal, said, ‘I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.’” Whoops! Wonder if she followed through. EEEWWWWWWW GROSS LOL penis

George Voinovich
Senior Senator from Ohio
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1999
Age: 72
Pros: Once beat Dennis Kucinich in Cleveland, and I think regardless of party we’ve all wanted to beat Dennis Kucinich at one time or another.
Cons: Maybe it’s just me, but I find it really unusually awkward and uncomfortable to type “George Voinovich”; I’ve had to correct like twenty typos with his name in this post alone.

John Warner
Senior Senator from Virginia
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1979
Age: 81
Pros: The only sitting US Senator to have been married to Elizabeth Taylor (as far as we know…I’m looking at you, Herb Kohl); former VA Governor and Democrat Mark Warner is likely to pick up his seat this year, so they won’t even have to change the name on the door.
Cons: Honestly, he’s a pretty decent and moderate Senator, especially for a southern Republican; best wishes in your retirement, Mr. Elizabeth Taylor #6.

Jim Webb
Junior Senator from Virginia
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 62
Pros: Accomplished writer and genuinely highly intelligent decorated Vietnam veteran; seems like an obvious choice for national office…
Cons: …OH WAIT N/M

Sheldon Whitehouse
Junior Senator from Rhode Island
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 52
Pros: His name is Whitehouse! WOuld you imagene if he evar becoms presidnet? what the newspapers would be they would be all lik “WHJITEHOUSE IS IN THE WHITEHSOUES!!!1111@.6″
Cons: Being the Junior Senator from Rhode Island is kind of like being Adam Hyzdu in the 2004 Boston Red Sox; sure, you get the ring and all, you get to ride in the parade and wave to all the adoring fans trying to figure out who you are (maybe the first base coach or something?)…but after that, your professional career whimpers to a halt, you end up pawning your ring for blow, not even the homely chicks in your local bar believe you when you say you were a professional baseball player, let alone one from a legendary championship team, then the years all start to blur together, and soon enough you die cold and alone watching reruns of “Law & Order: SVU” (not saying this is what actually awaits either Adam Hyzdu or Sheldon Whitehouse, but…you get the idea).

Roger Wicker
Junior Senator from Mississippi
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 57
Pros: Roger Frederick “The Wicker Man” Wicker, as I’m sure no one calls him, was appointed to his Senate seat after Trent Lott suddenly disappeared in a puff of racism smoke (smells something like sulfur and fried chicken); may well get his ass beat in this year’s special election.
Cons: Doesn’t really seem like you’re taking care of the problem when Trent Lott resigns in disgrace and you replace him with someone whose resume highlights include “Counsel to Trent Lott on the House Rules Committee,” but what do I know?

Ron Wyden
Senior Senator from Oregon
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1996
Age: 59
Pros: Net neutrality bill sponsor; strong critic of the tobacco industry; probably some other stuff whatever I’m almost done
Cons: Blah blah blah Iraq blah blah taxes DONE!!!!

HA! You didn’t think I’d finish, did you? You thought I’d take this all the way through November and then suddenly have to go back and do all the new Senators, didn’t you? Well I showed you. Now you know everything you will ever need to know about all 100 of our United States Senators. So fuck you.

Sorry, that’s uncalled for.

Next I’d like to write something about the social dilemmas brought into the presidential campaign by the emergence of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as John McCain’s running mate. Either that or I’ll post some funny “FAIL” videos. Whatever I have time for. No promises.

MY GUESS: Mitt Romney. I think it’s safe to say they still don’t like each other, but they’ve been going well out of their way to make it look like they do. Romney tanked badly in the primaries, especially considering the amount of money that went into his campaign. But he is the establishment suit the GOP have wanted in the White House, he gives a boost to McCain’s limited economic cred, and — most importantly — he could help tilt Colorado and Michigan back in McCain’s favor.

ALSO POSSIBLE: Tim Pawlenty. Doesn’t carry the Romney baggage and could help McCain win an unpredictable state, Minnesota, which currently leans Obama. Also might help Norm Coleman hold his Senate seat.

OUT: Bobby Jindal. Too young, too weird, no experience, wrong state. Won’t happen.

Obama is also apparently on the cusp of naming his running mate, though from what I gather he will wait till after McCain announces his. Who’s it gonna be?

MY GUESS: Kathleen Sebelius. No, she will not help Obama win Kansas. But she can help solidify his standing in Middle-America overall, and she is a popular Democratic governor who knows how to win in that tough part of the country. Adding a woman makes the Democratic ticket even more historic, even if it isn’t the woman we all thought we’d be getting a few months ago.

ALSO POSSIBLE: Tim Kaine. Virginia is a key state in which an Obama upset could plausibly happen, and that would be huge. Kaine could help make this happen, and he’s been a huge Obama supporter from day one. Unfortunately, should he leave the Governor’s office to take a spot as VP, Virginia’s next Gov is a Republican.

OUT: Hillary Clinton. The generation of female supporters that were supposedly going to take their bitterness over the primaries into November are almost nonexistent. Polling already shows Clinton supporters coming to terms with Obama. Hillary just doesn’t add anything to the Dem ticket at this time.

Bernie Sanders
Junior Senator from Vermont
Party: Independent (Democratic Socialist)
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 66
Pros: Thanks to the great, pot-infused state of Vermont, we have a socialist Brooklyn Jew Senator.
Cons: If only he were also black and gay and blind and a dwarf who doesn’t speak any English. But don’t worry, the way things are in Vermont I fully expect to see that in the next six years.

Chuck Schumer
Senior Senator from New York
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1999
Age: 57
Pros: High-ranking, dependably liberal establishment Dem who knows how to get himself on TV.
Cons: From yesterday’s WaPo: “‘Wait until Schumer stops talking,’ Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid suggested to [DNC Chairman Howard] Dean. ‘That’ll be a long wait,’ Dean replied. Then began the meeting.” Just in case you didn’t get that: the guy doesn’t shut up.

Jeff Sessions
Junior Senator from Alabama
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 61
Pros: Like Peel Sessions, except with less good music and more cutting down forests and torturing brown people.
Cons: CQ Press: ”According to sworn statements by Justice Department lawyers, Sessions called the NAACP and the American Civil Liberties Union ‘un-American’ and ‘communist-inspired’ and said they ‘force civil rights down the throats of people.’ He also reportedly said of the Ku Klux Klan, ‘I used to think they’re OK,’ until learning that some Klan members were ‘pot smokers.’” But look, folks, his name is Jefferson and he’s from Alabama, what do you want?

Richard Shelby
Senior Senator from Alabama
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1987
Age: 74
Pros: Now here’s the more moderate Alabama Senator: an anti-environmentalist, classified information-leaking abortion opponent… but he opposed Robert Bork in 1987! And that is more than enough to make Dick look like Bernie Sanders next to Jeff Sessions.
Cons: One of the last courageous defenders of Big Tobacco.

Gordon Smith
Junior Senator from Oregon
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 56
Pros: Decent chance of being ousted this year by Democrat Jeff Merkley, in what would have to be a particularly painful Republican loss.
Cons: Supported racist buffoon Trent Lott in his doomed quest to not get tossed as Senate Republican leader; has that horrible, creepy Mormon hair thing going.

Olympia Snowe
Senior Senator from Maine
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1995
Age: 61
Pros: Highest approval rating of any Senator in her home state, because the Republicans voters like best don’t actually vote Republican.
Cons: Despite her rather awesome record on abortion rights and gay rights, Snowe is weirdly nutty on certain things, including flag burning; are we really still worried about people burning a fucking flag? Also, useless on Iraq, where being a true “moderate” might have meant something.

Arlen Specter
Senior Senator from Pennsylvania
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1981
Age: 78
Pros: Has balanced his work with his cancer battle quite heroically in his advanced age; historically was pretty reasonable on key issues, much to his party’s dismay.
Cons: Can somebody let Arlen know the Senate really doesn’t need to be involved in fucking Spygate? I mean, sorry the Eagles suck, Senator, but Christ. The Superbowl is over, the Patriots lost, I think it’s time we come together as a nation and move on.

Debbie Stabenow
Junior Senator from Michigan
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 58
Pros: Chairperson of the Democratic Steering Committee; so far she seems to be steering quite well, at least compared to whoever the last guy was, who must have steered about as well as a four year old playing Mario Kart.
Cons: Michigan Dem husband and executive VP of radio debacle Air America Tom Athans recently caught in a prostitution sting. And really, there is just no excuse for that when your wife is this hot.

Ted Stevens
Senior Senator from Alaska
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1968
Age: 84
Pros: “Ten movies streaming across that, that Internet, and what happens to your own personal Internet? I just the other day got… an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday, I got it yesterday [Tuesday]. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially. [...] They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It’s not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it’s going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.”
Cons: Senator Bridge-to-Nowhere has had a long and horrible career, perhaps wasting more tax dollars than any of his colleagues could ever dream of wasting. But this is it… 2008 is the year. Vote Begich, Alaska, and be redeemed.

Next time: THE THRILLING CONCLUSION! Almost a full year coming, it’s Know Your US Senators, part 10: Sununu through Wyden. Be there.

Update: Fixed the link problem plaguing this entry.

John McCain is not as weak a candidate as some are portraying him — his age and less-than-enthralling speeches belie his popularity among huge numbers of moderate conservatives and independents, and I don’t see this changing in any really dramatic way no matter how good a campaign Obama runs. McCain will therefore win the following states, regardless of running mate choices: Arizona, Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virgina. These are states that the Democrats, in spite of Howard Dean’s quite successful “50 State Strategy,” should really not even bother competing in. They should have a solid presence for local elections and the like, but that is all. At the end of the day, no combination of a limitless number of Barack Obamas teamed with Hillary Clintons plus Franklin Roosevelt resurrected will prevent John McCain from taking these 128 electoral votes in November.

Obama has some gimmes as well: California, Illinois, D.C., Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Vermont, Maine, Hawaii. There’s just no realistic way McCain can compete strongly in these states unless it turns out Barack Obama flew one of the planes into the World Trade Center himself. Of course, that’s a shorter list of states than McCain’s, but it represents more voters thanks to the populous CA-NY-IL trio. That’s 162 electoral votes in the bag.

There are 538 electoral votes to be won overall. With the non-competitive states out of the way, McCain and Obama are left to compete for the remaining 248 votes.

Not all of the remaining states are equally undecided, of course. If we narrow down the list of undecided states to those in which one candidate is currently besting the other by 5% or less in polls, McCain should win Montana, Nevada, Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas, Florida, North Carolina, and Alaska; Obama should win Oregon, Washington, Colorado, Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Delaware. With these added, Obama now leads McCain 219-202. So, even with this more restricted view on who is likely to win where, Obama still seems to go in with a lead.

But — that’s still a full 117 electoral votes that are in contention. To win a 270 vote majority, Obama would need 51 of those and McCain would need 68. Here is a list of those states in which polls currently show a five point margin of difference or less (# of electoral votes in parentheses):

New Mexico (5)
Missouri (11)
Indiana (11)
Michigan (17)
Ohio (20)
South Carolina (8)
Virginia (13)
Pennsylvania (21)
Connecticut (7)
New Hampshire (4)

In 2004, New Mexico, Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, South Carolina, and Virginia went Republican; Michigan, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, and New Hampshire went Democratic. So let’s say the polls hold true through November for the states in which a candidate leads by greater than 5%, and the remaining swing states vote the way they did in the last election. The result?

McCain wins exactly 270 electoral votes to Obama’s 268, and therefore becomes the next President of the United States.

Yes, it’s much too early to take these polls too seriously, and yes, Obama has the benefit of going up against a party whose current president is as unpopular as any in the nation’s history. You might remember the same things being said about John Kerry, however. So let’s be careful — Obama has some things going for him, but this is going to be another close, hard fought race. There is no predetermined winner going in, and Obama must win at least one of the closest states lost by John Kerry four years ago.

Interestingly, Obama’s best chance at doing just that looks like McCain’s neighbor state New Mexico, where May 18 polling shows a +4% Obama lead. When getting into the running mate discussion, who can deliver New Mexico has to be part of the deal. Hillary Clinton technically won the primary back on February 5, but barely, and it’s far from a sure thing that her presence on the ticket would be additive in New Mexico rather than subtractive. Governor Bill Richardson, on the other hand…

Honestly, can anyone else truly help deliver one of these red-in-’04 states to Obama (not counting Colorado or Iowa, which it looks like he ought to be able to carry by himself)? Sen. Claire McCaskill might help in Missouri, but she won her seat there by an incredibly slim margin and continues to have approval ratings around 50% in her sharply divided state. The very popular Sen. Evan Bayh could deliver Indiana, but he is almost as tied to the Clintons as Hillary herself. Gov. Ted Strickland is somewhat popular in Ohio, but he was also a Clinton backer. I’m not aware of any major Democrats who could really help with South Carolina. Former Virginia Gov. Mark Warner would be superb, but he is committed to running for the Senate this year. The pro-life current VA Gov. Tim Kaine is a fervent Obama supporter, so don’t count him out. And finally, there’s VA Sen. Jim Webb, probably a strong choice but one whose borderline popularity does brings some risk.

Obama has a committee looking at running mate choices right now, and you can bet the names Bill Richardson, Claire McCaskill, Evan Bayh, Ted Strickland, Tim Kaine, and Jim Webb are all on there — along with you-know-who. I’m still open to persuasion on the HRC idea, but honestly I would prefer to see Richardson, or failing that Kaine.

So here’s a list of the states I think we can all agree will certainly go for Obama, barring some kind of spectacular flameout (respective electoral votes in parentheses):

California (55)
Connecticut (7)
D.C. (3)
Delaware (3)
Hawaii (4)
Illinois (21)
Maine (4)
Maryland (10)
Massachusetts (12)
New Jersey (15)
New York (31)
Rhode Island (4)
Vermont (3)

That’s 12 states plus the District of Columbia. The total number of electoral votes this list puts in Obama’s pocket is 172. Now here are the states that will undoubtedly go for McCain (including Virginia — yes, it could be a swing state in a few years, but we’re not there yet):

Alabama (9)
Arizona (10)
Arkansas (6)
Georgia (15)
Idaho (4)
Kansas (6)
Kentucky (8)
Louisiana (9)
Mississippi (6)
North Carolina (15)
North Dakota (3)
Oklahoma (7)
South Dakota (3)
Tennessee (11)
Utah (5)
Virginia (13)
West Virginia (5)
Wyoming (3)

That’s 18 states, but many of those are rural and sparsely populated so they total just 138 votes. So right away, with just the states we can assign right off the bat, Obama has the electoral lead.

Of course, most of the remaining states will not be true swing states. So let’s see where we can assign them:

Alaska (3) – Normally very dependably Republican, would be a definite McCain state if Hillary won the nomination. She didn’t, though, and Barack has a surprising amount of early popularity here, thanks in large part to a good ground campaign during the primaries. Still, history dictates we give this one to McCain.

Colorado (9) – Hasn’t gone blue since ‘92, but has been trending that way over the last few years. With Obama’s popularity in the region, I’m calling this one a swing state.

Florida (27) – Its voting population dictates this is a true swing state, even though Republicans have the stronger state government by far. Worth noting that should McCain select Gov. Charlie Crist as his running mate, he’ll probably be able to claim this prize early, which would be huge (but not the end of the world, as you’ll see).

Indiana (11) – Early polls show a dead heat, but this state went for Bush over Kerry by over 20 percent four years ago. We’ll give this to McCain.

Iowa (7) – Kerry somehow managed to lose this one, but the Democrats should generally be able to win here. Obama has a good amount of popularity in part because the state borders Illinois, so we’ll give it to him.

Michigan (17) – Democrats tend to win it by slim margins, but Obama will have to make sure he hasn’t burned too many bridges over the primary scuffle. He should still be better equipped to compete here than McCain.

Minnesota (10) – Also a pretty close state, but they appear to like Obama a lot so far.

Missouri (11) – Potentially a swing state, though McCain looks a lot better than Obama for now.

Montana (3) – State is trending blue in a big way lately, and Barack has a ton of appeal in the region. Nonetheless, I’m giving it to McCain due to historical advantage.

Nebraska (5) – Oddly close in polls right now, but it probably won’t stay that way. McCain should take this one.

Nevada (5) – Kerry made this a close one in 2004, but it still looks like a McCain state.

New Hampshire (4) – A split state, very unique in New England. McCain’s “maverick” image will play well here.

New Mexico (5) – This is one of the most evenly split states in the country right now — Bush beat Kerry here by a little over 1%. Swing state.

Ohio (20) – The heartbreaker in 2004, and another big swing state.

Oregon (7) – Close, but you always have to give the edge to the Democrats here, and Obama’s expected to win the primary on May 20th (even if Hillary is still campaigning futilely).

Pennsylvania (21) – Republicans always try to make this one a swing state, but the Democratic machine is very strong here. Sure they prefer Hillary, but Obama should still pull it off.

South Carolina (8) – Potentially closer than I think a lot of people realize, but still likely McCain country.

Texas (34) – Usually the big Republican winner, but Obama looks prepared to make it excitingly competitive. Still a McCain state though.

Washington (11) – Much like Oregon, close but presumably an Obama state.

Wisconsin (10) – Big time swing state. Kerry beat Bush by less than one half of one percent in ‘04, and McCain will certainly put up a fight here.

So out of that list, tack on 9 more states for McCain and 6 more states for Obama. The other five could truly go either way. In terms of electoral votes, Obama gets another 73, which added to his initial 172 totals 245. McCain adds 84 electoral votes, which brings his total from 138 to 222. For McCain to win the election, he needs 270 votes; Obama needs 269 (we’ll discuss why in a minute). That means out of the five swing states — Colorado, Florida, New Mexico, Ohio, and Wisconsin — Obama needs to accumulate just 24 more votes, while McCain needs another 48.

So, if it does play out this way in November and 45 states plus D.C. go the way I think they will, that means the election will end up one of 32 different ways depending on the swing states. Here is a chart showing the totals for each possibility:

Out of 32 outcomes, McCain wins in eight and Obama wins in 24. If John McCain wins Florida, the biggest of the five, he still wins in just eight of sixteen scenarios. Even if John McCain wins the two big jackpots here, Florida and Ohio, an Obama win in the other three states ties the electoral vote at 269-269. When the vote ties, the House determines the President and the Senate determines the Vice President. The Democrats have a majority in both, so a tie means a win for Obama.

On the other hand, if Obama wins Florida, he wins the election, even if McCain takes the other four states. If Obama wins Ohio plus any one of the other four, he wins.

Of course, even though Obama can actually (barely) win sans Ohio and Florida, don’t expect this election to be any less focused on those two states than 2004. Just expect to be hearing a little bit more this time about Colorado, New Mexico, and Wisconsin as well, because those may be just as significant this time around.

Endorsements from high-profile swing state Democrats:
Bill Ritter, Dem. Governor of Colorado – no endorsement yet
Ken Salazar, Dem. Senator from Colorado – no endorsement yet
Bill Nelson, Dem. Senator from Florida – endorsed Clinton
Ted Strickland, Dem. Governor of Ohio – endorsed Clinton
Sherrod Brown, Dem. Senator from Ohio – no endorsement yet
Bill Richardson, Dem. Governor of New Mexico – endorsed Obama
Jeff Bingaman, Dem. Senator from New Mexico – endorsed Obama
Jim Doyle, Dem. Governor of Wisconsin – endorsed Obama
Russ Feingold, Dem. Senator from Wisconsin – no official endorsement, “inclined” to support Obama
Herb Kohl, Dem. Senator from Wisconsin – no endorsement yet
NOTE: with high-profile endorsements of Obama in New Mexico and Wisconsin and Clinton endorsements in Florida and Ohio, you can bet Obama is working full time to obtain very public endorsements from Ritter and Salazar in Colorado.

Endorsements from high-profile swing state Republicans:
Wayne Allard, Rep. Senator from Colorado – endorsed McCain
Charlie Crist, Rep. Governor of Florida – endorsed McCain
George Voinovich, Rep. Senator from Ohio – endorsed McCain
Pete Domenici, retiring Rep. Senator from New Mexico – endorsed McCain
Mel Martinez, Rep. Senator from Florida – endorsed McCain

John McCain likes to compare his foreign policy experience to mine. Obviously the issue of the next President’s foreign policy is going to be of the most serious importance to all Americans. The stakes associated with this issue are far too high for us to reduce the debate to “Candidate A has this much foreign policy experience while Candidate B has this much.” What really matters here is: what model of foreign policy will each of us bring to the White House? John McCain brings with him a good amount of experience in the policy of ill-conceived war, and the dangerously outdated model of “act now, think later.” I’ll be the first to admit he probably has more bullet points on his resume than I do under “The Bush-Cheney version of Foreign Policy.” What I will bring to Washington is a new foreign policy, adapted to the realities of the post-September 11th and post-Iraq War world. A foreign policy of diplomacy, and dealing with terrorism as a global problem that concerns all civilized societies; a policy of strength and true homeland security, putting the safety of all Americans before political and ideological vendettas; a policy of leadership by example, to remind the rest of the world why the United States of America is to be admired, not feared. And don’t think I’ll be going it alone when I get to the Oval Office. I will be bringing with me some of the greatest minds in foreign policy, and I am not too proud to tell you I will consult with experts regardless of their political affilation when making the kinds of decisions that affect Americans at home and our brave troops overseas. Make no mistake — I will act swiftly and directly to counter any threat to our great nation. But I do not subscribe to the Bush-Cheney model of going it alone now and dealing with whatever consequences occur as a result later. I fear John McCain’s foreign policy will be a continuation of that Bush-Cheney model. Mine will be a foreign policy of responsibility.

My point here is to frame this foreign policy debate right from the get-go, because McCain is eager to harp on this and there’s really no reason it should be anything but a huge winner for Obama. Take away the frame of the GOP as the “party of adults” by contrasting the Bush/McCain foreign policy with a responsible one (and also take advantage of the opportunity to improve the media-distorted popular image of Obama’s patriotism).

Patty Murray
Senior Senator from Washington
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 57
Pros: Strom Thurmond felt her up in an elevator. What an honor!
Cons: Until right now I honestly had no idea we had a Senator named Patty Murray.

Ben Nelson
Junior Senator from Nebraska
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 66
Pros: It’s not easy being a Democrat in Nebraska; that’s why he usually just votes Republican.
Cons: Dubbed “the Benator” by George W. Bush, but his first name is actually Earl; nickname therefore should, in fact, be “the Senatearl.”

Bill Nelson
Senior Senator from Florida
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 65
Pros: Dude went into fucking space!
Cons: There really should be a one-conservative-Democrat-named-Nelson-in-the-US-Senate-at-one-time limit.

Barry Obama

Mark Pryor
Junior Senator from Arkansas
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 45
Pros: Highly touted USC pitcher, 2nd pick overall in the 2001 MLB draft.
Cons: Only managed 42 wins over five seasons with the Cubs due to an ongoing series of injuries, signed to a limited contract by the San Diego Padres this year and placed on the 60-day disabled list for — wait, Pryor? With a “y”? Who the fuck is Mark Pryor?

Jack Reed
Senior Senator from Rhode Island
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 58
Pros: One of the most liberal votes in the Senate; former Army Ranger and paratrooper.
Cons: Roundness of head well beyond ridiculous, into “definitely Photoshopped” territory.

Harry Reid
Senior Senator from Nevada
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1987
Age: 68
Pros: Senate Majority Leader; knows the ins and outs of the Senate rules better than just about anybody.
Cons: Maybe only marginally more effective than Tom Daschle was during his tenure; Mormon and pro-life, not exactly the best representative of Democratic ideals.

Pat Roberts
Junior Senator from Kansas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 71
Pros: Chairman of US Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, which means you could fully count on him to produce a complete and honest report on the intelligence failures leading up to the Iraq War, right?
Cons: Seriously though, this guy sucks. But hey, that’s Kansas, you know?

Jay Rockefeller
Junior Senator from West Virginia
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1985
Age: 70
Pros: What’s that? You’re surprised there’s still a Rockefeller kicking around in the Senate? So is everyone else! But he’s good-natured about it. He always goes around talking in a loud, over-the-top 19th century oil tycoon kind of voice, has a money pit that he takes swims in, y’know, he’s mostly just there for show. Like Ted Kennedy.
Cons: Strongly supported going to war in Iraq back in 2002-3; did an about-face on the telco immunity thing; wants the FCC to be able to regulate broadcast AND cable AND satellite TV.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 9: Salazar through Stevens. So close!