Know Your US Senators, part 3 of 10: Chambliss through Craig

Saxby Chambliss
Senior Senator from Georgia
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 63
Pros: Not many, but his name is fun to say.
Cons: Defeated Vietnam vet and triple amputee Senator Max Cleland with the aid of campaign ads comparing Cleland to Osama bin Laden; got deferment during Vietnam for “bad knee”; loathsome, hypocritical, pompous, corrupt twat; vote for Dale, Georgia!

Hillary Clinton
Junior Senator from New York
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 59
Pros: It looks like she can probably beat any of the top tier Republican presidential candidates in 2008.
Cons: That would make her president in 2009.

Tom Coburn
Junior Senator from Oklahoma
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 59
Pros: Great at crossword puzzles.
Cons: The craziest douchebag in the Senate, now that Santorum is gone; can’t possibly go point by point through every instance of crazy douchebaggery to date, but read this and this and you’ll maybe get the idea (yes, when I think of Schindler’s List the thing that really stands out to me is all the irresponsible sexual activity).

Thad Cochran
Senior Senator from Mississippi
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1978
Age: 69
Pros: Generally considered a moderate, under-the-radar type Senator who doesn’t attract a lot of press but gets things done and represents his state well, unlike another Mississippi Senator whose name I won’t mention but it rhymes with Schment Blott.
Cons: What the fuck is with these Senators who go by their odd middle names? Thad? Lamar? Saxby???

Norm Coleman
Senior Senator from Minnesota
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2003
Age: 57
Pros: Managed to beat a dead guy (the much-missed Paul Wellstone) to win his Senate seat, which at least puts him a step ahead of John Ashcroft (actually, Coleman technically defeated Walter Mondale — but then, who hasn’t).
Cons: Ended up taking the seat from temporary, Jesse Ventura-appointed Senator Dean Barkley, who is to date the only federal politician to serve while representing the Independence Party of Minnesota — vote MNIP! No, don’t really.

Susan Collins
Junior Senator from Maine
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1997
Age: 54
Pros: Proof that what they call “Republicans” up in Maine are generally referred to in other parts of the country as “Democrats.”
Cons: Won’t you or Olympia Snowe just switch fucking parties already so we can safely give Lieberman the boot?

Kent Conrad
Senior Senator from North Dakota
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1992
Age: 59
Pros: Highest home state approval rating of any sitting Senator; name kind of sounds like a 1950s pulp mag detective (which may contribute to said approval rating).
Cons: I don’t trust those beady eyes.

Bob Corker
Junior Senator from Tennessee
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 54
Pros: The only thing even close to a success story for Republicans in the 2006 midterms was Corker defeating DLC hack Harold Ford, Jr. by a hair, keeping retiring Majority Leader Bill Frist’s seat in the red zone.
Cons: Lives in a mansion built by Coca Cola heirs; might, just might, be 100% owned by big business.

John Cornyn
Junior Senator from Texas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2002
Age: 55
Pros: Not on the Supreme Court, where he could be doing much more damage to the country (but don’t worry, there’s still time).
Cons: “It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right [...] Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife.”

Larry Craig
Senior Senator from Idaho
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1991
Age: 61
Pros: Well on his way to becoming Idaho’s longest serving US Congressman, at which point he will finally oust that bastard William Edgar Borah!
Cons: Judging by his Senate home page, Craig appears to be some sort of evil mountain king.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 4: Crapo (heh) through Feingold

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