Know Your US Senators, part 2 of 10: Boxer through Casey

Barbara Boxer
Junior Senator from California
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1993
Age: 66
Pros: Strong, liberal female voice in the Senate; Chief Deputy Whip for Democratic majority.
Cons: Is only 4’11″; has to constantly evade Ted Kennedy’s attempts to catch and eat her.

Sherrod Brown
Junior Senator from Ohio
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 54
Pros: Defeated a two-term Republican incumbent in 2006 to help secure the Senate’s new Democratic majority; once defeated evil Keebler elf Dennis Kucinich in a Congressional primary.
Cons: Whitest man alive named Sherrod (see also: Lamar Alexander).

Sam Brownback
Senior Senator from Kansas
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1996
Age: 50
Pros: Actually thinks he can win the Republican presidential nomination, which is kind of cute.
Cons: Supports teaching intelligent design; opposes same-sex marriage; wants a flat tax; is batshit insane.

Jim Bunning
Junior Senator from Kentucky
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 1999
Age: 75
Pros: Pitched a perfect game for the Phillies in 1964; is in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Cons: Behaved bizarrely during his 2004 reelection campaign, describing his opponent Daniel Mongiardo as resembling “one of Saddam Hussein’s sons,” claiming his wife was physically assulted by Mongiardo, and relying entirely on a teleprompter during a debate; therefore, he seems to represent Kentucky pretty accurately.

Richard Burr
Junior Senator from North Carolina
Party: Republican
Assumed Office: 2005
Age: 51
Pros: Distant cousin of Aaron Burr, you know, from that Got Milk ad.
Cons: Defeated Erskine Boyce Bowles in 2004, and I’d much rather be writing about a guy named Erskine Boyce Bowles.

Robert Byrd
Senior Senator from West Virginia
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 1959
Age: 89
Pros: Longest serving Senator in American history — 1959, for fuck’s sake!
Cons: Well there is that whole “was the leader of his local Klan chapter in 1942″ thing.

Maria Cantwell
Junior Senator from Washington
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 48
Pros: Top environmental champion of the Senate; second-least ugly sitting Senator.
Cons: Voted for CAFTA and Patriot Act, against Kerry-Feingold amendment for Iraq withdrawal; honestly though, still one of the better Senators we’ve got.

Ben Cardin
Junior Senator from Maryland
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 63
Pros: Perhaps the least-heralded part of the Democratic takeover in 2006, Cardin fought off a tough challenge by Michael Steele to fill the seat vacated by Dem Paul Sarbanes.
Cons: Opposes my personal pet issue, net neutrality; this makes him a corporate stooge.

Tom Carper
Junior Senator from Delaware
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2001
Age: 60
Pros: Not Joe Biden.
Cons: Still from Delaware.

Bob Casey, Jr.
Junior Senator from Pennsylvania
Party: Democratic
Assumed Office: 2007
Age: 47
Pros: Defeated loony Rick Santorum, the Senate’s creepiest and worst member.
Cons: Strongly anti-abortion; not adequately confronting his unibrow problem.

Next time: Know Your US Senators, part 3: Chambliss through Craig

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